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December 8th, 2006
10:25 pm - ho ho ho
I love Christmas! We put up our lights and got a big blow up penguin holding a gift. We have some lit up reindeer......some lit up presents, fake little christmas trees with white lights going down the driveway. aannnddd i'm proud to say that our christmas lights are a tribute to "old school christmas". They're not those tiny little colored lights, and they're not (Thank god) those white hanging "icicle" lights. They're the big bright bulbs with a crayola brightness, instead of pastel colors. I love them. Our tree is beautiful....i usually help put it up, but i've been so sick the last few days that mom put it up while i was napping. It's a fake tree, as always....and its all pink ornaments....sounds gaudy but its sooo pretty. It's all the pretty, glass, and victorian ornaments. And we have white lights, and a lavender bow on top. There seems to be more Christmas spirit than there was Halloween spirit. Oh well. Can't have everything. I'm almost done with my shopping. I'm not really buying for a lot of people this year. My bests, and the family. Being single is good for one thing-makes Christmas a whole lot cheaper.
I need all the money I can get right now. My car is in need of repairs. My medical insurance runs up at the end of the year, and I wanna keep money in the back for medical emergencies (never know when those stones are gonna strike). I have to pay for my acting class. I need money for some good headshots. I need money for getting up to the city twice a week for 3 months.
Lucky for me, the bar decided to throw one more "Barmaid/shotgirl go-go rama" before the holidays. It's on the 14th, and I get to dance for the night. Hopefully make some good money. Everyones saying you make like 700-800 at this thing. I can't wait to try my pole tricks,lol. "I'm gonna spend my 15 minutes on stage at the top of that pole like a koala, and just wave and blow kisses to people". I'm meeting up with Jess (one of the bartenders) tomorrow and we're going into Elizabeth to buy some hooker heels and other outfits. I'm doing a 7-2 shift, so i'll have 7 sets. I'm really liking my work at the bar. I hate selling the shots...they're girly drinks and everyone knows it. Guys usually just buy them for me to drink, so I can make some money. But I'm really good at the massages...least thats what everyones telling me. I've got customers that come in and won't let anyone else massage them. I've got dancers that come to me for massages every shift. It's cool. The money's really inconsistent though. I've made as much as 340 and as little as 90...depends on the shift, the crowd, my outfit,lol. Rule of thumb: the less you wear, the more money you make. It's pretty simple. Overall though, its good money...considering i work 2 nights a week for 6 hours each, and basically drink, talk to people, listen to music, flirt. I've made some cool friends, and I like the 2 managers I work with.
Other than that....I've been chilling. I'm getting sort of unofficial acting lessons from a couple of people who took me under their wing. I really can't wait for my acting class...its going to be rough, going up to the city 2 nights a week and having to find time between every rehearsal to meet up with my partner (wherever they might live) and practice. It's going to be such a challenge, but I'm up for it.
We had our Bush Open House for the 07 season and it went pretty well. Attendance was great....31 there for the colorguard, which is awesome for an open house. Having Wendy's beforehand helped the time go a little quicker. I was a little rusty cuz I hadn't spun in 3 months (which is the longest I've ever gone without picking up my sabre). I did better than I thought I would though. We did a pulse exercise that was almost exactly like the ones we used to do in Phoenix,and the ones I now do almost every night. I've also been doing the famous Curtis's Cadet Crunches. Those things KILL. But they work. I'm getting happy with my abs again.
I don't have much else to say. Take care everyone, come see me dance on the 14th, if you can. Contact me for directions if you need them.
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October 28th, 2006
02:48 am - Life since finals
Ummm, what can I say? Me and Dave had made it official early in September, and we had alot of good times, but it didn't work out. It was a really hard decision to make, but it's just better this way. What a great guy though. If it were acceptable for people to write recommendations for others, as far as dating, he would get my highest recommendation for sure.
Oh right,and in case you didn't know (since my last post was before finals)....we got 3rd place at finals, and took high brass and best colorguard, thankyouverymuch. Prelims was terrible-we were basically performing in Hurricane Ernesto. I've never performed in conditions that bad before-it was pretty scary. Finals was much better, and we maxed it out. So that's that.
As for everything since finals...it's been going good. Working at the bar is fun, and I'm making pretty good money. My first month there, I saved up 2000 dollars and still had plenty of spending money. It's funny-you sorta get greedy working there...you see how much other people make, or how much it's possible to make, and suddenly, 120 is considered a "bad" night. Sometimes I have to remember that 120 is still, technically, 20 bucks an hour to sit around, drink, dance, listen to music and flirt. It's pretty crazy...my lowest night is 120, my best night was 340. So it's kinda sink or swim. It's fun though. The sucky part is the 30 minute drive at 2 in the morning.
Ummmmm...what else? I'm enjoying my time off from guard, though I'm sure I'll miss it like crazy when I go to a show. That's ok though.
Besides working at the bar, the daycare, etc...I'm just sorta chilling. I've been going to the city alot, which has been fun. Me and Johnny actually went a few days ago and had a blast. I can't wait for my acting class to start up in January. It's going to be amazing-I know it.
I guess that's it for now. I just realized how long it's been since I had updated...
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August 31st, 2006
05:15 pm - The Perfect Year
Tonight I pack, and drive to Dave's, and tomorrow we wake up wicked early to drive up to Rochester for finals. I hope I don't cry too much. I know me (and Aimee) have been looking forward to this summer, basically since the winterguard season started. Not that I didn't have fun at Light Brigade, but Bush is truly my family. I hate how tons of marching organizations label themselves as a family and most of the time, it's bullshit. Bush IS a family. There is always someone making sure you're ok, that you have something to eat/drink, that you have a ride home, asking how your week was. They're incredible. I only hope that the people I asked to join have had as positive an experience as I have in the past few years. I have had so much fun, and so many stupid memories and inside jokes. Now we have one more weekend, and 2 more shows. The weather's supposed to be really shitty, but we can't control that, any more than we can control the judges' final scores.
What I care more about is peeking around horn players to make stupid faces at Peter, or saying "YOU better get it!" to Dena. Or asking Bo to marry me while he's in horn arc. And looking at Ducky to make sure we're on the right count.I can't wait to say "Lindsey" at the beginning of the ballad, or cheer for Ducks when he nails his 7.Giving Aimee the look in 13,14,15,16. Or to say one of our 10,000 vocals: Jesus!, love, trust, neglect, jimmy...neutron, black/white thomas, DMCK, Ah!, Lisa...Amber...preggers, Tori/Jackie/Brian/Paris/Aimee, Woo!, "I'm scaaared of it!", "Slightly bent", Hand on hip, or Tommy just screaming his lungs out for the ending huge flag feature. I'll miss Robbie caressing me during the corps song before the shows, Rich Kim's disgusted-with-life face, John's random moments, singing Shakira, making fun of Steve Rinda, singing Macho Man to Jaime, or Dave pursing his lips at me and making little comments when we rehearsed the ballad. Titanic quotes, watching the flagline shimmy, Robbie's illusions, Jackie's conversation spinning, Pocahontas, breathing and hugging. This year has been crazy, and I've loved every second of it. Our sabre line is HOT and I cannot wait to max it out these last 2 times.
So it's rehearsal tomorrow, as well as the guard party and I believe Bush 06 I&E, and prelims are Saturday, and finals are Sunday. Much partying will follow. Vikki, Johnny and Aigy are coming up Friday night, too, so we'll all get to party.
Get it Bush 2006!!!!!!! I love you guys more than I can say!
1. My roommate once: well, I've never had a roommate. But I had tourmates! One time, one of my tourmates (Mario) found a crutch on the side of the road and started spinning it and throwing like doubles on it. The captain yelled at him and said, Mario! It's a quad! So he tried throwing a quad and somehow smacked his tooth and chipped it. And laughed about it.
2. Never in my life have I: smoked a cigarette
3. The one person who can drive me nuts: some of the kids at the daycare, and people who constantly miss practice.
4. High School was/is: pretty fun, i enjoyed it
5. When I'm nervous: i talk louder and faster, i think
6. The last time I cried was: Sometime at west haven rehearsal. My 6's were shit.
7. If I were to get married right now my bridesmaids/groomsmen would be: Pris, Bunny, fo sho..not sure who else.
9. My hair: is super straight and sleek and shiny and looks fucking diva
10. When I was 5: i was shy for like 5 minutes around strangers. then i talked alot.
11. Last Christmas I: dont' remember, is that bad?
12. When I turn my head left, I see: my kitchen counter, cluttered with stuff
13. I should be: folding laundry
14. When I look down I see: a keyboard
15. The craziest recent event was: last night's, um....job
16. If I were a character on Friends I'd be: i think rachel, but maybe not
17. By this time next year: i will have more money, i know it!
18. Current Relationship Status: single, but seeing someone....dating?
19. I have a hard time understanding: math
20. One time at a family gathering: my dad and uncle almost brawled.
21. You know I "like" you if: i'm always looking at you, and finding excuses to talk to you
22. If I won an award, the first person (people) I'd thank is/are: my mom, then my best friends
23. Take my advice: appreciate the little things.....so fucking simple
24. My ideal breakfast is: anything from dennys! woo! i luff pancakes!
25. If you visit my hometown: you'll get to eat like, anything you want. and go to the beach.
26. Where do you plan to visit anytime soon? s. carolina
27. If you spend the night at my house: you'll get drooled on by my dogs.
28. I'd stop my wedding if: johnny depp showed up and said, Kasey, please, marry me instead.
29. The world could not do without: charity
30. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than date: someone with really bad breath, or a bad kisser
31. Most recent thing I bought myself: sneakers, deodorant, and some earrings...cuz i CAN
32. Most recent thing someone else bought me: food
33. My favorite blonde is: Kristen, and Lia
34. My favorite brunette is: Pris, Buns, Amy A, Slob, Robbie, Jess, Jackie, my mom, and many others
35. And by the way: I burned my ass tanning today
36. The last time I was high: last week, a little bit
37. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: humans. but only me.
38. I shouldn't be: eating
39. Once, at a bar: I made money.
40. Last night i: hahahahahahahahahaha. had an interesting experience that I would love to gloat about but can't.
41. There's this girl I know who: set fire to her taint...muahahaha
42: i dont know: what the future holds, but i'm excited
43. A better name for me would be: Montana. I dunno, that was the other choice when my mom was deciding on names for me
44. If I ever go back to school I'll: need money
45. How many days until my birthday? about 5 months.....
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August 16th, 2006
11:55 pm - almost over
The summer (and Bush 06) is winding down. I'm pretty sad about it, actually. I've been looking forward to this season for so long, and thinking about how much fun the summer would be got me through a lot of shit in the past year. Oh well. It has been an incredible summer so far. No complaints. Lots of memories and laughs. And finals weekend will be one huge memory in itself.
Onto happier topics. DCI is over. My "age out" passed. I called up like,everyone, last Friday night to wish them a happy finals/ageout. I called Marielle, Telly, Johnny, Benton, Cynthia, Danielle, Stephen, John Conn, Jello, etc. This weekend was fun...we had a show in Kingston, and the rehearsal was funny, changing the drill and just running 3 circles in my spot to take up time. I love love love our guard, and especially the sabre line. We're the hottest sabre line in DCA,thanks very much. Apparently even the caption head for our rivals said that. Watched the Northern Lights show a buncha times..."Beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful....". Rick Sander is the man. I luff his rosy cheeks and fuetes (sp?).
Sunday after practice I went back to Dave's place. We got sushi again (my favorite!). He took off Monday, so we slept late, went to the Vincentown diner for some lunch, then to the Puppy Barn to ogle some puggles, jugs, beagles, jack russells,and my favorite (and his) the labs. They were sooo cute and all the chocolate ones had the greenest eyes! Love at first sight. Then we went to New Hope cuz i've never been there. We did some window shopping, got Rita's, walked some more, then drove to Princeton to walk around that area. Took some pictures. I haven't been there in years, and I fucking love that campus. Soooo beautiful. We got some Chinese for dinner, then rented V for Vendetta and went back to his place and watched it. Pretty good movie. Went home the next day. The past 2 days have been uneventful, just chilled with Pris, read alot, worked at the daycare and for John.
Show in Scranton this week. Woo!
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Past, present, or future? As though it's really possible to choose...
WITHIN YOU
How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
You've run so long
You've run so far
Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you
Yes I do
Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
AS THE WORLD FALLS DOWN
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel
Open and closed within your eyes
I'll place the sky within your eyes
There's such a fooled heart
Beating so fast in search of new dreams
A love that will last within your heart
I'll place the moon within your heart
As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill has gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you
As the world falls down
Falling
(As the world) Falling down
Falling in love
I'll paint you mornings of gold
I'll spin you Valentine evenings
Though we're strangers till now
We're choosing the path between the stars
I'll lay my love between the stars
As the pain sweeps through
Makes no sense for you
Every thrill has gone
Wasn't too much fun at all
But I'll be there for you
As the world falls down
Falling
(As the world falls)
Falling
Falling
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
As the world falls down
Falling
Falling
Falling
Falling in love
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August 11th, 2006
02:53 am - Oh no
Good news. That unknown object that's been lodged in my left heel for like 2 months decided to come out. Or rather, I guess my body rejected it finally, after building up this huge painful callous around it. So...what was it, you ask? A little piece of metal? A splinter? No....Just a piece of thin wire about 1/4 inch long. WTF? How did that get in there? I don't know, but I'm really glad its gone.
DCI show. Interesting. Rode up with Mikey T, met up with some Bushies. Met up with Johnny's mom (really great seeing her) and she took me into the Cadets ensemble rehearsal. Good lord-what a freak show. Chatted with Johnny and John Conn for a little bit, then went back outside to wait for the show to start. Got to see Magic (eh), Esperanza (pretty good!), Crossmen (go marielle and jello!), Crown ( looooove them!), Madison (don't remember), Cavies (GREAT!), and Cadets (like I said, freak show-but I do really like their ballad). Caught up with Johnny afterwards. More interesting-ness, to say the least.
Let's see. Good weekend with Bush. My personal show wasn't that great, but we won, and had to do a stupid encore performance. Got to see Colin and Max and other Metuchenese, so that was fabulous. I love the Waterbury show-it brings me back to my very first Phoenix show in 02. On Sunday they cut huge chunks of music outta the ballad-so now the sabre line is protesting. We're holding a peaceful demonstration at Geo tomorrow, with pickets, flyers and pamphlets. Make t-shirts-SAVE THE BALLAD!
Sunday night, me and Dave went to the Arguls for a little bbq, and then went back to his house. We both kinda crashed. Tuesday I did a Sopranoes episode in the city. Met more cool people and had fun. "did she say snap, or snack? cuz honestly, it looks like she does alot more snacking than snapping"/"mrs pac-man"/"excuse me, fire-breathing asian contortionist". the only thing that sucked was the walk-away lunch and the 13 hour day. ew. Raiding the SAG food truck was fun though-REALLY GOOD HUMMUS. I craved milkduds the whole time though, i guess mostly cuz we were in a movie theatre.
Thursday night I went up north for robbie's birthday, and went to some gay club called feathers. No lesbians hit on me. I guess I'm not hot enough. Fun night though-some smoking, some drinking, some dancing. Me and robbie got stuck on the floor while some creepy guy just stood there and stared at us.
Um...
I can't think of anything else.
Oh yeah-
Scent of a Woman is a really good movie. Watch it.
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August 2nd, 2006
02:07 pm
I guess since colorguard has ruled my life since 2000, it's normal to think of my life in terms of seasons. Everything is thought of in terms of "band", "junior corps", "senior corps" and "winterguard seasons". And since 2000, I have barely missed a single season.
fall of 00- h.s. marching band (sophomore)
winter 01-h.s. winterguard
fall of 01-marching band (junior)
winter 02-winterguard
summer 02-phoenix drum corps
fall 02-marching band (senior)
winter 03-complxity
summer 03-phoenix
fall 03-teaching metuchen
winter 04-complxity
summer 04-phoenix/bushwackers
fall 04-teaching metuchen
winter05-complxity
summer 05-cadets/bushwackers
fall 05-metuchen
winter 06-light brigade
summer 06-bushwackers
fall 06-nothing......AHHHHH!
I'm excited, and yet sad and scared.
but yeah, i need the time off. my car is on its last leg and i really can't be driving all over the place anymore, and i don't have the money to spend on gas, tolls, and winterguard.
and since there's no place i'm itching to march (besides northeast independent,lol) i guess this fall is my break. i need to make money and not spend it all on guard.
I'm pretty excited about it actually. I'll get over the sadness-I mean if I go to a show, I'm sure i'll get a little bit overcome. But I'm looking forward to doing my subbing, doing more movies/shows, going into the city to visit Pris or maybe shop if I have some money, and having a social life on weekends. And I plan on staying with Bush......I am so happy there, it's ridiculous. They are truly a family (unless SOME places that say they are a family buuuuut aren't). I can't believe how fast this summer is going. I've been looking forward to Bush since the winter season started and now it's almost over. This summer is a collection of memories and stupid jokes....
Piss on my feet, it's like a hook, pocahontas, poke-a-cuntus, colors of the wind, steve rinda, shakira shakira, money bets, sea urchins, malibu, jeromes house (and his dog), crisco, extra virgin olive oil, jaws of life, halves (and eighths), why is she wearing a headband on her thigh?, titanic (eh!), writing stupid work, vocals, woo!, and so much more. Last weekends show in binghamton was crazy, with the rain. "don't worry guys-the rain is still northwest of us...it is NOT raining right now, I swear". "due to severe and dangerous weather conditions, we will allow Bush to continue with their performance on the field tonight". Fine-I dropped things that weren't even tosses and hit my tit and made the hornline laugh when I yelled "owww! my titty!"
Me and Johnny have kept in touch thru the summer. We exchange corps stories and keep each other amused. I'll be seeing him and the guard crew at Giant Stadium tomorrow.
Isn't it interesting how I go into things with expectations and things never turn out the way I expect? Not necessarily better or worse...just different. This is why I never overplan things....because they just don't always happen that way.
I only hope that when it's time, I can figure out what is right for me, and have the courage to make the decisions about what is right for me.
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July 3rd, 2006
01:05 pm - Go Bush
First show in Dover....
First place. Best Guard. Best Brass. Best Drum Major.
BEST SILVER AND GOLD LAME FLAGS.
I definitely could've done better. And I will.
I am loving every second of Bush this year. I laugh so much...
"This really IS Jerome's house!"
"Wanna watch him feed his dog?"
"Wanna see me put on my eighths?"
Bitch smacking sessions in Josh's basement.
Possible lesbian solo.
Run-thru!!!!
Sit spins, illusions, and switch leaps galore.
Bus Buddy auditions.
And my fun news-more newly formed kidney stones in my left side. And a severely busted up thumbnail. I luff drum corps.
This summer is going by so fast...but I'm getting alot done. I am doing my sub-teaching classes soon. And this Thursday and Friday I'm doing another movie, called Tenderness. How is this one special? Wellll...the other ones had some big celebrities in it, but none that I'm REALLY into....this one is starring non other than Russell Crowe....one of my favorite actors ever. I just hope I get to see him....he might not even be in the scenes I'm doing. Another good thing is this job MIGHT earn me a waiver. I don't wanna get my hopes up. Sooo I'll be staying at my aunt's house later in the week, to cut back on travel time/gas, etc.
Last night there was an insane thunderstorm. I love summer storms, in an almost religious sense. I thought of you....
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/aliens/working.gif) busy
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June 14th, 2006
01:21 am - and real quick
Bushwackers is awesome. Ok...so I cried a little in basics block. But I couldn't be any happier-the guard is awesome and I'm meeting new people. Our first exhibition was a windy nightmare. It was so bad it was almost funny. Oh well. Hopefully it will never be that windy again.
Since my last entry, I've done 2 more projects...a tv show called Rescue Me...some sexy studs on that show (Franco gently brushed past me, and said,"Excuse me, miss, sorry") So polite, so hot. ANd Dennis Leary is funny as shit. And then I did a 2 day shoot, for a concert scene for a movie called Music and Lyrics By...with Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. He's so cute....I could drown in those eyes of his. I've met lots of people, my favorites being Janelle, whose a total sweetheart, and Eddie, who is fucking hilarious and smart.
Hung out with Dan. I went to see him in the city, which was nice. He took me to the hardrock cafe, cuz i've never been there, and then we sat in central park for awhile, got some coffee, and went to the new apple store, then he took me to find my train and we said our goodbyes. Very nice date.
Johnny called me last night. Weird, too, cuz just yesterday, I remembered the whole Cadets email thing, and so I sent him one. He hasn't gotten it yet,but apparently they were on the their way to Pittsburgh and he thought of me. Odd, that we should think to contact each other on the same day, out of the blue. Annnnnd he told me some interesting news about the guard....I just don't understand them. But it makes me so glad I've found a place where 'family' is the only way to describe it. Bushwackers 06 is turning out to be way more fun than even I expected.
I just know this is going to be a summer where so many things will change. I have a feeling I'm going to find out alot of new things about myself, or at least act on certain things I haven't before.
Everyone else seems to be settling down. Making decisions. Wising up.
Not me.
And I'm ok with that, for now. Growing up is not something you can force. Neither is learning.
I feel so torn, but in the best way possible. I feel like there's so many options out there, and I don't really know what to do with myself. All I know is I will go places, meet people, learn new things, and become a better person from it. It's not the conventional way to 'grow up', but its not a bad way.
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May 22nd, 2006
08:56 pm - So far, so crazy
So since school has let out, alot has gone on. Went bowling, saw some movies. Bushwackers are spectacular. Me and Aimee are trying to find an I&E song for a duet. Bellydancing is going great. We got our coin belts and our skirts now, so it FEELS more real.
Let's see....last Tuesday I went down to Wildwood to hang out with Kosta, who I met at the boardwalk at NJA finals. It was cool...he's a nice guy...Greek, handsome, motivated, rich, loves to learn new things, speaks Greek, English, and German, is a great cook, has a house in Greece, is a construction worker/electrician. He took me out to dinner, then we went to his house, then went for a ride on his bike...We were flying over the bridge and on the parkway....I think we must've hit like 120 mph. Then we went to the lighthouse and chilled there.Really nice night... We'll see.I think Wednesday I hung out with Kristen and Stephen and watched the Grey's Anatomy finale. Thursday was girls night...and the last episode of Will& Grace, and the season finale of ER. Who the fuck ends a season with Abby hemorrhaging on the floor? Friday was spent driving back and forth to Wayne, getting interviewed and photographed. "Whats with all the jerseys? Maybe its a front" "Pris! This is Universal Sporting Goods! It's not the right place-GET IN THE CAR!" Then we almost went into New York kicking and screaming.
Saturday/sunday....drum corps. Learned lots of work and drill. Laughed alot. Almost peed. Robbie played blind driver while Winnie steered. La la la...La la la...la la la la la Ohhhh. "Maybe we should all just eat each other out". Rich Kim kills me...and Aimee. No one in the guard laughs at him and his ridiculous faces the way we do.
Found out my report time for Monday was 5 AM. So I drove to Elizabeth and took the last train out to Penn Station at 1:51 in the morning. Met Amadeus from America-LIAR. Dude, I never get over how many fucking freaks are in the subway. "We sang Old McDonald had a Farm....in MCDONALDS!" Hung out at the station for awhile, then went to find the Church of St. Paul. That was frustrating. Today we filmed for like 10 hours. I got to see Patrick Dempsey, Amy Adams, and James Marsden. Patrick Dempsey's soooo cute. He walked right past me! We filmed first in the Time Warner building. I was paired with a new friend Steve, and we had to do some tourist-y things outside."Let's take a picture of the fountain for the 17th time...yeah....you like that black screen? Let's smoke a joint". Somewhere along the line I fell in love with Dan. Ok fine, so it was more like hardcore infatuation. He's intriguing, what can I say? Then we went inside and me and Steve got to do another scene where we walked from Hugo Boss to some other random shop. I know i'll be able to find myself in that scene...I'm the only one dressed like a bum. Got a shitty pic of Patrick on my cell. Breaked for lunch-which was catered...and GOOD. After lunch we went to Merchants GAte at the park to film. A bunch of us weren't involved in the first few sequences, so we hung out and had fun. Me, Chuck, Steve, Eddie, Bo, Ian, and Johanna were the most fun group there. "Would it be outta line for me to ask for your number?" haha. So me and Dan talked for awhile. And now I'm home and I haven't slept since 8 am yesterday. I got a job offer for Rescue Me tomorrow...but its in manhattan and i just don't have the money/energy for the trip.
This summer's gonna be insane. It already is...and it's just gonna get more so....I can't wait. It may very well be a life-altering 3 months. Alright, have a great week everyone.
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May 19th, 2006
01:06 am - random venting-i promise the next one will be better
I DON'T GET IT....
I try to be realistic about who I am, and who I am not. This is such a teenage girl kind of post, but really....there's some things I don't get.
I know I'm "in-between". I know I'm not one thing or the other. I'm not "this" or "that". I'm not tall and skinny with long legs. I'm not really curvy. I'm not really tiny and cute, and I'm not lean and beautiful, and i'm not busty and sexy. I'm not super flirtatious. I'm not easy. I'm not in-your-face sexual. I'm not exotic and mysterious.
I'm not the life of a party. I'm not the nice girl. I'm not the super romantic. I'm not different enough or crazy enough for the different/crazy guys....yet i'm too different and crazy for the more reserved guys. I'm too loud for the quiet guys and I'm not loud enough for the LOUD guys. I'm not smart enough or a deep enough thinker for the truly philosophical, political guys, and I'm wayyyy too much of a thinker for lots of other guys. The list goes on and on....
I don't know where I fit in. Is my mediocrity ever going to be enough for someone?
I see these girls that all look and seemingly act like clones of each other. The trendy girls. The girls who act like obnoxious sluts when they're drunk. The girls who don't like trying anything new. The girls who aren't random or quirky and don't have a unique thought in their head. Then I see these nasty ass girls who look like they haven't showered, eaten right, or exercised since....well, never.....and they're walking around with a boyfriend. People who take no pride in their appearance and their body are somehow getting guys, and girls who take too much pride in their clothes, hair and makeup (but no pride in their goddamn brain) are also getting guys.
Fat girls.
Clingy girls.
Obnoxious drunk girls.
Slutty girls.
STUPID girls.
Girls who just aren't that funny.
I try to maintain a good body. I try to look cute and comfortable. I have alot of qualities that guys CLAIM they want in a girl...but realistically, they're all fucking lying. They say they want a "smart girl" who "doesn't wear too much makeup or show too much skin" or "act like a slut". They say they want a girl who "speaks their mind" and "does her own thing".
BULLSHIT.
Those girls are out there, doing their own thing, trying new things, just being themselves and being chill. And wondering why they can't get boyfriends. Welllll, its because most guys are full of shit.
They want the bar sluts.They want the girls who laugh at every joke, but don't make their own jokes. They want girls with half a brain, who won't question anything or argue. They want girls who wear slutty clothes. They want all that stereotypical bullshit.
Why do I care?
I guess I'm tired of being lonely.
I'm tired of wondering if there will ever be someone who measures up to what I had....
I'm tired of hoping my "medium-ness" will be enough for someone, someday...
To all the mediocre girls, I feel your pain
|
May 9th, 2006
11:03 pm - Wildwood
It's all over...The Light Brigade 06 season is done. How ironic that our show is titled "The Hard Goodbye"....because in the end, it truly was. What a great way to end my first season though. This weekend was fucking crazy...not what I expected at all, but just absolutely nuts in more ways than one. Thursday after class I drove down, walked around. Stuff happened. Went with Justin and Ryan to the Convention Center, then walked around the boardwalk. "Yo...your ass is phat, yo". Thanks. Went back to the hotel, watched the Animal Planet. Invited Johnny over to eat some Hawaiian pizza and catch up. "Walk down Memory Lane" LOL. Stuff. Went to Kelly's. "Will you buy me a drink?". Got molested by some gay men. Saw everyone, literally. Craig said my boobs got smaller,which is bad, but said they looked as perfect as ever, which is good. Medori (sp?) sour-drink of the weekend and my new favorite. Smoked a little.
Friday I watched N-town, walked on the boardwalk (where a stare-down took place), went to the DooWop (couldn't get pancakes though) and then we had a short practice. In prelims, we pretty much rocked out. I don't care about scores, you KNOW who the favorites are. We were hot. Like Red Hot Diva Bitch Hot. Friday night-crazy. Half a pill=no sleep. Smoking, drinking, and watching "people under the stairs" with Johnny and not getting in til 6 in the morning. "Get in before the sun comes up....oops".
Saturday, another brief rehearsal. Loved the section where every boy dropped the toss-turnaround cuz of the wind. Did our awards. ChiChi=ostentatiously stylish and deliberately chic, fussy <----not really. Maybe when it comes to food. That night, we went to meet Jim at the pier. Went on the pirate ride, ready to knock someone out around every corner, and the crane/duck ride, and the Ferris Wheel. I thought I was gonna die. Met Kosta. Closed phone shut before I hit 'save'. Met some of the hottest Naval Academy boys ever-Nolan, DJ, Mike, Steve, Irish, Punk. Too bad Mike lives in Colorado. It was me, Aimee, and Dori and we were approached by some crazy ass mofos.
"ohhh...so you live in north jersey.....do you drive a honda?"
"what? no...i drive a jeep"
"I'm married"
"Can i have your number...?"
"I'm married!"
Chilled with Champ, Jay, Ryan, and Kristle for a bit. Went to the hotel. Went to Kellys, where I had to draw out Winnie's card for the bartender. "And these are bunnies, ducklings, and kittens, and they're frolicking with each other in peace. That's a jumprope, and that's a baseball bat, not a dildo. Wanna name the last bunny?"
Ran back in time for the room check.
Sunday-windy ass rehearsal. Did finals and once again, nailed it. Asked Mike if my hair was messed up in the middle of our sabre thing. Apparently Rob ditched the ending dance and just did some randomly high toss into the rafters. Ashley and Anthony sat right in front of me, and I didn't even notice them. And Jello made me a sign! Yes!!!!! Brought our water guns out for retreat and caused semi-chaos. This whole weekend is why I love LB. We know how to have a good time.
It was sad. I didn't cry too bad. Kia crying set me off though. I'm really gonan miss her...she's helped me so much, directly and indirectly. She's such a leader, and so friendly, and talented, and just cool...there just needs to be more people like her in the world. I'm gonna miss everyone. Nellie's humor, Jay's craziness, Rob's randomness, Lia's cuddly nature,lol.....
I've definitely had my issues with LB, but in the end, we're a family. They drove me fucking crazy sometimes, but I do hope the organization continues to grow and learn. Whether I'll be a part of that, I don't know yet. I have alot to think about. But September was a rough time for me, and going to Philly each weekend was a great way to take my mind off things, and meet new people, and be part of something amazing. And....march with hot straight boys,lol.
It's really hard to believe I'm not gonna perform that show again. I'm never gonna wait to hear that saxophone wailing. I'm never gonna stare mike down like that and see him stick his tongue piercing out at me,lol. I'm never gonna feel Rob's dick on my back and neck,and see him do a little shimmy, hahahaha. I'm never gonna have Beth grab me by the hips and try to drag me down to the floor with her. It was an awesome show to have in my first year of world class, and I'm sad to see it go.
So needless to say....crazy, sad, fun, FUNNY, interesting, confusing weekend. After finals, me, aimee, robbie, and jackie went back up to the boardwalk where we saw little kids beat the shit out of each other American Gladiator-style, with big blow up tools. We got funnel cake and fried oreos. Returned to Kosta and remembered to hit 'save' before closing my phone.
A few random things:
-"i can't believe i just did that...."
"i can't believe you did that either...."
"what? shut up, punk...troublemaker!"
-"How did you end up so much cooler than your brothers?"
-"Myyyy favvvvvorite!"
-"You can't do a cartwheel? I thought all white people did cartwheels when they were little..."
"sorry, i was busy beating my slaves..."-when did i say that?????
-"are you irish?"
::gulp::
that guy just drank your beer!
-"Ummm, i just saw ryan...and he had a girl on each arm...."
-"Jim? Jim!!!!"
-"I want a jellyfish...can you win me one?"
"why don't you get a black guy in your guard to win it for you?"
-Rookie initiation...."childs pose.....its never much fun to beat up someone who's just laying there"
-our outdoor faucet shower......
-marsell blowing up the bathroom
-dude, i've lived here 17 years and i've never seen this...what the fuck, is everyone gay here tonight?
|
May 1st, 2006
12:34 pm - Only a week left.....
For all the complaints I've had with LB...
for all the times I've wanted to kill myself in rehearsal...
I'm still going to miss them so much.
If I hadn't had LB auditions and rehearsals right after that breakup in September, I dunno what I would've done with myself. Having this loud, fun, hysterical and talented group of people around me was the perfect distraction/remedy. Who knew marching with straight boys would be this much fun?
I don't know if I'm coming back. Money is a HUGE issue. When isn't it? I still think as a colorguard we have alot of growing to do, and myself, obviously, as a performer. And I want to be a part of that. I really just don't know. There's so many things I have to think about.
Our Perkiomen Valley show was pretty good. Mine could've been better. I couldn't see shit when I threw my sabre. No drops though. Just not the most solid of catches. Cynthia's guard sat right in front of me on the opening stuff, and they were cheering for me-thanks girl! And Jello and Jim were in the stands cheering me on, and Jello's friends kept coming up to me and giving me these ghetto handshakes (they were probably gang initiations and now I'm in a gang and I don't even know it) and telling me how hot we were and how they wanna do guard now,lol.
I watched the dance teams and majorettes too-sooooo cute! Then I watched the drumlines. Got to see Norristown, and they were pretty awesome. And just another example of how bad TIA scoring is : last week we got an 88 something with 4 people missing. This week, a better show and a full guard....and still an 88 something. Nice huh? Anyway....I got to talk to Joe Dobis for awhile,and got alot of stuff off my chest. It's cool when random people just "get it"...they really relate to why you're doing something that maybe you don't always understand yourself. Anyway, went back to Sheila's and stayed up til 3 listening to the boys insult each other, and talk about putting cheesesteak and banana splits in a strippers ass "charge 50 cents for the sprinkles". I can't deal with them. "Between you and me...........137 teeth". That helped get me out of my mood...but I kept drifting in and out of it. But my true happiness came yesterday...
First weekend of Bush outdoor rehearsal with the guard. It was sooo much fun...we're gonna be so good. I'm not gonna try to predict placements yet...its too early for that, and I'm not about hype. I'm about proving ourselves by just doing our job. But it's nice to know we're gonna be great, no matter what place we get. We have a tiny bit of sabre work, which I love. And all the people in the guard seem pretty good. The weapon line's looking HOT. I already can't deal with Rich's comments. "I just wanna bathe in these rocks". I gave him my first flash of the season. More to come....
It really was just so awesome to see everyone. It feels like coming home...everyones as nice as you remembered them, or as funny as you remembered them to be. This will be my first full season with them...I cannot wait. No one parties like the Bushwackers.
Ok....now I just have to get thru Wildwood weekend, have fun, and not cry too much at the end of it. Yeah right, I know I will. Everyones planning some crazy shit to do at Finals. "no shirts or skirts" lol. I don't have a skirt...I have fishnets. Maybe I can get them off....hmmmm...
Tonight I'm going to the movies with my mom to see the 9/11 movie, United 93 or whatever its called. And then hopefully I'm chilling with Sharkey.
|
April 26th, 2006
02:54 pm - randomness...survey/pics
Relationship survey
1) Single, Crushin', Interested, or in a Relationship?
crushing/interested
2) Are you happy with where you are?
eh, i've been pretty stupid,lol...but i'm fine with being single
3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
yes, i just don't always show it
5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is acceptable?
not really ,no...not for me....though some people have been brought up to believe cheating is acceptable in some situations
6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
probably not
7) Have you talked about marriage with another person youve dated?
yes
8) Do you want children?
don't know
9) How many?
just one or 2
10) Would you consider adoption?
yes
11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think a cool way to let you know would be?
just be casual....or, fine, make me a cd with love/crush/romance/sex related songs on it,lol
12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
sometimes
13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
what is the "game", exactly? i try not to play any games, but sometimes u just have to
14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
no....cuz to love someone, u have to love everything...their strengths, weakness, flaws, etc...and u can't know that just by looking at them
15 Are you a romantic?
yes
16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
me personally? no.....but i think some people are so inspiring that other people would change for them
17) If you could get married anywhere, money not an object, where would it be?
probably some gorgeous spot in hawaii
19) Do you easily give in when you are fighting?
NO,lol....aquarius girls are stubborn
20) Do you have feelings for someone right now, whether they know or not?
yes
21) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you messed it up?
i'm not USUALLY the one to mess up
22.) Have you ever broken a heart?
maybe. I dunno.
23.)What will happen if you come and find another person in bed
with your boy/girl?
i don't even know....probably cry my eyes out...get drunk...then devote the next few years of my life to making both their lives miserable
24.) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
would i fight for my significant other's affection? no....if he wants me, he wants me......i shouldn't have to fight for someone to want me......would i fight someone if they hurt my dude? sure, i'd try
25.)What would you say about your last ex?
amazing...everything i wanted...whoever gets him will be very lucky
So Far, Who Did You Talk To The Most Today?
in person-Caroline at work, and then bunny and pris for dinner
phone- champ
What Is The Thing You Are Picked On Most About?
my driving (although only people from other states comment on it), my lack of patience, and my temper....and my messy room and car
What's The Weirdest Story Of One Of Your Scars?
me and my brother were fighting....he had both my arms so i couldn't hit him...so i tried doing the one thing that had hurt him in the past...headbutting him....so i went to do it and he moved my own hand in front of my face, and my long nail scratched down my cheek
Do You Remember The Part From Bambi When Bambi Learns To Say Bear?
no
What Color Is Your Toothbrush?
silver and purple
Can You Eat Well With Chopsticks?
decently..i'mnot sure if my technique is right though
What Odd Thing Creeps You out?
old men,lol
Have You Ever Felt An Earthquake?
no
What Do You Do With The Hot Grease When You're Done Cooking Bacon?
i never make bacon
How Many Good Friends Do You Have?
a few
What's The Weirdest Thing You've Ever Eaten?
chocolate/vanilla dixie cup mixed with BBQ sauce
What color Are Your Socks Today?
flops yo
What Is Your Favorite Word That Starts With G?
'gine...as in gina...u know, VA-gina....haha.....
Who Do You Blame For Your Mood Today?
champ made me laugh alot today....
What Is Something Scientists Need To Invent?
a migrating beauty mark, haha....OR BEEBOP LEGS.lol pris
Who Is Your Favorite Golden Girls?
don't watch it
Do You Have An Inside Joke That Has To Do With Numbers?
yes! 7 isn't a word, its a number!
What Is The Longest Amount Of Hours You Have Slept In A Row?
alot.....somewhere around 14 ish
How Do Ugly People Make You Feel?
good, haha....i know thats mean, but its true! makes u count your blessings
Where Was Your Mother's Hometown?
secaucus..
Where Was Your Father's Hometown?
don't know....maybe jersey city?
What Are The Posters On Your Walls?
mostly band/drum corps pics...some ballet pics...and romantic kissy pics
Do You Use Online Terms In Real Life?
i find myself saying j/k....isn't that sad?
What Do You Think People Think Of You?
Lessssbian...or at least bisexual, haha.....that and : stuck up, aloof, conceited, bitchy...(thanks lia and marsell)
Do You Think This Year Will Be Better Than The Last?
it has to be....i really won't be able to deal if its any worse
Who Is The First Person On Your Incoming Call List And How Do You Feel About Them?
champ....he's great
Do You Know Who Salad Fingers Is?
Uh...no
What Is The Stupidest Thing You Have Ever Done?
Let's not go there
What Is Your Favorite Commercial Of The Moment?
don't have one
What Does It Take To Make You Cry?
someone i actually care about....that or being frustrated with myself....
What Are You Looking Forward To?
end of school....summer...drum corps...partying in wildwood....hawaii....
Who Did You Kiss Today?
my puppies
What Do You Like To Do When You Are Alone?
read, watch PORN man.......
Who Are Your Two Favorite Characters On Full House?
none
Would You Be Ashamed If You Wore Hippie Clothes?
No, i love hippie clothes
Grab The Closest Book, What Does The First Sentence Of the 7th Page Say?
"All of his heirs were in Florida, New York, or the Midwest, and none of them would have an interest in owning an enormous white elephant of a house in California."
When Was The Last Time You Slept With A Stuffed Animal?
2 nights ago
Chicken Nuggets Or Chicken Fingers?
Fingers
Pirates Or Indians?
Indians....more peaceful
Orange Juice With Or Without Pulp?
whatever
Drive Or Ride Passenger?
doesn't matter....i just hate driving when i don't know where i'm going
Regular Hot Dogs Or Cheesy Hot Dogs?
ew
Beach Or Pool?
beach
Renting A Movie Or Going To The Theater?
renting
_____HAVE YOU EVER BEEN COOL ENOUGH TO_____
Push All The Buttons On An Elevator?
yes...i'm just that cool
Bake With An Easy Bake Oven?
no
Gone To School When You Didn't Remember You Had The Day Off?
well, i went to the bus stop
Ever Owned A Spirograph?
Oh yea
--------What Was The Last-----------
TV Show You Watched?
sex&the city
Food You Ate?
garlic mashed potatoes
Thing You Bought?
dinner
Thing Someone Bought You?
food
Thing You Laughed At?
champ
Last Person That Spent The Night At Your House?
in general? Ashleylove....but the last friend of MINE to stay here was Pris
Thing That Gave You Chills?
thinking of spiders
Last Song You Sang Out Loud?
here is gone-googoodolls.
Time You Ate Ice Cream?
tonight, i had a few bites
GUESS WHAT? HAPPEL PUT UP MORE PICS FROM FINALS!
go here:
http://pics.happelphotography.com/Q/Proofs.aspx?GroupID=9829
then click on "The Light Brigade".....and see the sexy motherfuckas I march with. We're muy caliente.
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April 16th, 2006
10:07 pm - I'm so world class, it hurts....DAYTON update!
Wow...so much to write and I don't feel like typing all that much. Dayton was alot of fun, what can I say? We had nice short rehearsal blocks, even though our one practice space sucked....you could only toss a 5, in the very middle of the room and it had to be buzzed like crazy. Aaand the floor was slippery. Yes, I busted my ass, Don't-Wake-Daddy style...happened so fast I didn't even have time to put my hands down to break the fall. My tailbone still fucking hurts, but I can't deny it, it must've been funny as shit to see. Moving right along...Prelims....really good show...I dropped a rifle toss,but apparently no one realized it,lol, so thats good. We made it into finals!!!!! I was so excited and relieved I started crying. It's so stressful to watch all the other scores being put up and hoping to God you'll stay in the top 15. But we got 14th, which was cool-a spot up from last year. Seeing Matt Hurley outside of body warmup and having him hug me and say good luck almost made me cry again. Performing in finals was such an incredible experience....coming out of the tunnel and just seeing all those rows filled and hearing people scream....oh man....so fucking great. Our show wasn't quite as good as prelims, but personally my show was better, and we still felt good coming off the floor. It was cool watching the other world class guards....I loved Fantasia (they totally redeemed themselves this year...obviously,lol-they won),Northern Lights, and of course, Northeast. I can't wait to get the dvd. Got to see lots of people....Cadets (including Christine! Sooo good to see her), TA, Joe, Ray, and Craig. We ended up staying in 14th (FINE BY ME,LOL). Drove home that night.
Some fun times:
-"Yeah, it figures...rejected again...all the girls say, 'You have such beautiful eyes, but no personality"
"....what the fuck are you talking about?"
"Champ, I'm better than you"
-"One two three LIGHT BRIGADE!"
"MY DICK!"
Slam...whack....smash
-Kia's beautiful fall, with a double attitude
-getting Aimee down the soul train line...Switch Leap trio 4eva
-The crazy photographer, getting sassy with Patrick
-Dori's grilled cheese maker
-Thank you for calling the Cheesecake Factory in Baltimore Maryland, this is Kia speaking, how may I help you?
"Huh???"
You looking for Lia? She's not here.
-Room 218, Kia speaking. You like my phone voice?
-I didn't like you at first....
yeah, me neither...
I thought you were a bitch
Whoa, what????
-Rob, you need to back off on that part. I'm always like, what's that on my neck? Oh, its robs dick...and its messing up my show hair.
-Jay meeting Dave Chappelle in some random convenient store...I'm so jealous
-Knock knock.....whose there? SHIT...fucking black people!
This past week, I hung out with Jess. I really needed someone to talk to, and she can ALWAYS relate, without judgement. Even the craziest shit, she just gets it. Shit, even the names involved in our situations all sound the same,lol. I can't even begin to say how much of a relief it was to talk to her. Friday I went to TJ's place.
That night my plans got cancelled (again, and i'm fucking mad), so I went down to champ and kia's for the little get-together. Good times with tequila and other shit. I was Champ's designated drinking partner, even though he was being a CB. Crazy night. "How old are his kids?" hahaha. And that off-ramp scare. Got a nice tour of Baltimore. Watched Jay throw the cat in the air and do backflips. Witnessed Kristle's beating. STARVED. Got hit on "Hey...hey sweetheart, how you doing?" "GREAT!" lol. Finally bought some new flip flops-I plan on sending the pink ones in to the Guiness Book. Watched Emily Rose. Champ scared the shit outta me in the bathroom. Bentley cuddled with me in my sleeping bag, it was sooo cute! Stayed the night again and came home early this morning. Went up north to see the family. Again-good food, good fun, good laughs. We're so evil, I love it.
That's it for now. I'm gone.
|
April 4th, 2006
10:32 pm - Update before Dayton
Past weekend...show at Owen J. Roberts...got there realllly late and got a 2 point penalty. Bad gym....low basketball hoops and rafters. We were almost done with the show when our music started skipping. We tried to count our way thru, but the staff came down and finally cut the music. We had to start over. I was so dead. Apex beat us, cuz of our penalty. Boo. I got to see Tommy though! Had a nice rehearsal afterwards. Sunday we changed the ending...which scares me, cuz we're debuting it in Dayton, and we have no judges feedback on it. I just wanna make finals...I've never been in finals, except for Bushwackers. But in DCI and wgi, never...even though ComplXity should've gotten like 10th in 2004, cuz we were wayyy better than spots 15 thru 11. I'm going to be sooo upset if we don't make finals, we've got a really good show, better movement than LB has ever had before,and some really good effects. I know all I should care about is having a good show, for me and the whole guard....but I just wanna perform in that arena in finals, aaand have a good show. And so far this year, we haven't been that great in prelims. It's always in finals that we do our thing. Especially cuz this is my last year, I think. Tomorrow night we have rehearsal, then we leave for Dayton at like 2 am on Thursday. Yay. I can't believe its here. And that I'm in LB. If you had told me back in 2001 (my first year of guard) that I would ever be world class, or even IN world class with Light Brigade, I'd be like, ummmm no. Crazy. Moving on...
I've been looking into schools for interior design and tourism. There's an 18 month program for Hospitality and Tourism, its a school in Hawaii. Verrry tempting to leave this place and go somewhere warm and beautiful, where no one knows me and where nothing reminds me of anything. But the thought that I wouldn't see my friends for a year and a half scares the shit outta me. I know my mom would fly out to see me, but my friends can't afford that shit. Maybe like, once, they could scrape the money together. But its still sooo tempting. Like a year and a half to study, be on the beach, in a new city, new people, and just let myself heal. I know that place would make me a whole new person. But again, if something big happened at home, I dunno how I'd get the money to come home, whether its something bad or good. Scares me, alot. I've also been looking at the Art Institute, and Kean University...which is going to be joining with OCC soon, so I could stay here and take the same courses, I think. And Kean offers interior design, but I don't know if thats what they're offering with OCC. Gotta figure out how to pay for it too. I just don't know...I hate the idea of taking out student loans, cuz i HATE owing money. We'll see how that goes. Does anyone else find it reallllly fucking hard to decide on a career? Not a job, but a CAREER. Something they wanna do for the rest of their life....I dunno. That's a hard decision for me. I get bored easily. There's alot of shit I've considered. Advertising, real estate, travel, english teacher, etc etc.
Bunny's back from Brazil. We all hung out tonight, bunny met Luis, and we looked at her pics and stuff. Her dad's sooo funny. She had Joe videotape the moment her dad opened the door and bunny surprised him for his birthday. She hasn't seen him in 2 years, and they were both crying. I started getting teary-eyed watching it.
I'm in a weird mood. I do shit that complicates my life. I think too much. I'm so excited for the future, but scared of leaving the past. Certain kinds of change scare me. Random quotes....
"I couldn't let him lose face in front of the one man I measure everyone against"-my best friends wedding
"would i be out of line if i said 'i miss you'?"
"Why do I have this torment?
All I want to do is fuck it away"
"But it's a funny thing about other people's phobias, when you don't share them: you pick at them, like a scab. You want to remove them."-feast of love
|
March 30th, 2006
12:42 am - goodbye my lover.....james blunt lyrics
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
|
March 28th, 2006
12:09 am - Jimmy Eat World-23
I love this song, it reminds me of so many things left unsaid and undone..... and so I'm sharing it with you...
I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...
It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine...
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March 24th, 2006
12:03 am - kidney stones, Tampa, and drama
Yes, the kidney stones are still there and more awful than ever. I woke up Wednesday with awful pains, tried to wait it out, thinking maybe it was a UTI and I took some medicine and AZO and stuff. Went tanning, bought a super cute outfit. Didn't help. Went to the ER, waited for-fucking-ever. Cried, went in, got in IV, cried a little more. Got a CAT scan. They told me I had a fairly large stone stuck in my something-or-other and thats why I was having pains and that "i gotta pee all the time" feeling. Had an allergic reaction to the painkillers and threw up literally 6 times. Couldnt go to Aimees. Had to hire a towncar to take me to the airport. Felt a bit better the next day.
The airport experience was fun. I had the biggest bag, but Brett had 3 bags, AND WHAT? Got stuck at the metal detectors. "Sorry, but theres something REALLY metal in here"
~Um, my tweezers? My eyelash curler?~ "no something REALLY metal" ::pulls out flag weight:: ~oh my god..thats a weight! it goes in the top of the flag, u know, so that it makes it spin really fast in the air!!!~ Wow, close one.
The plane ride was fun. We raised our hands and asked alot of questions "Excuse me, what's that noise? That buuzzzzzzz? Is that normal?"
Got to Tampa, waited around, got some food. "God, for once I thought we'd be the late ones...but no, we're still waiting on the black people". Got the vans, and drove to Mickey's house. First site-Boys. "Oh, lets go introduce ourselves to the neighbors! Wanna go for a walk?"
Took pictures...of fake flowers, oops. Jay debuted the famous basketball fakeout, which I made him do about 30 times throughout the weekend.
Practiced Thursday night, no mat. Practiced Friday, OUTSIDE! loved it! And yes, I broke out the short blue terry cloth shorts and the purple striped bikini top because, well...because I'm fabulous. Aimee and Dori also wore drum corps appropriate clothing as well. Got burned, but hey, whatever. Starting the tan earlier this year, and what???
Some people went to go pick up the floor, so the rest of us went to Pirate's Cove or something. Me and Aimee went for a walk and got hit on by some scary gangstas..."Yo, can i get your number?" NO, sorry, I'm not from around here...it would never work out.Went back and I took Tayana's place in mini-golf and helped reverse her damage. I did ok. I got the only hole-in-one of the whole game. Patrick thought he was Tiger Woods, but he scored 2nd to last. Surprisingly he didn't cry TOO much about it,lol. Later on we had practice again. Saw a lady who had a camel toe on her ass. Yes, a backward vagina. Or something. Gross. And a broken whistle. And once again, the genius in our car was too much for me to handle...."Momento IS word,its the name of a movie..."
Genius: So? Seven's a movie, but seven isn't a word...its a number. I never took the SATs, but if I had, i would've gotten a perfect score on the English section. I got common sense, and street sense.
Too bad you lack social skills.
Me and Kristle turned out to be pretty red that night. "oh my god, you're so red!" "kasey, you're so burned!" "kasey, wow...you're really red" Am I red? I didn't notice.
"Anyone want a hamburger? you could grill one on her chest"
"You look like a rotten beet" LOL
Saturday we practiced, went back to the house. Champ talked to my mom on the phone and promised "Mom" to come visit to see the bulldogs. Charmed her, I'm sure.
Got cute and went to prelims. Saw some of my favorite Cadets ever-Jesse, Malcolm, Nicole, Louis, Roxy, Mario, and Shane. It was soo good seeing them. Missed Rei and Paulo :( Went to warmups and that fucking floor was so slippery we should've sued. We were falling all over the place. Had a not-ok show, lots of stupid drops and timing things. I think it was cuz there was so much pressure on us to prove ourselves and 'set our spot in finals'. Got 5th and an 80 something. Got cute again to go out to dinner. Had to wait on Patrick and Justin who decided to leave us to get Chinese food. "Are we almost there? I'm hungry!" hahaha. We went out to Applebees for dinner, then went home. Talked to Robbie on the phone, and tried to learn some Chinese. Cha-na-da! Au-ta-lee-ah! Laughed.ALOT. "Guys, go to sleep. I dunno why you're laughing. I wouldn't be laughing after that shitty show!"
The next day we had one last practice, took pics with the "Y" lady,and left really late. REALLY fucking late. Usually you go to body warmup for however many minutes, and then equipment for a bit. We got there and they said, "Ok, you have 6 minutes in equipment...." the people in the van with the floor in it literally had 2 minutes to throw some tosses. It was scary. Buuuut we went out there and had a great show. Soooo much better than prelims. We earned the audiences respect, since no one really knows us down there. Everyone was in such a good mood after that. We got to watch Blackwatch, Braddock (sooo much fun!) and Northeast Indep. Ok, NEI is fucking incredible. I've liked them for the past 3 years or so, but this year they're are just breathtaking. They dance beautifully, their show design is so fluid, and they're so solid.....I can't talk enough about them. We came in 5th place again, but our score went up 3 points, which is awesome. Took some group shots and went back. Went bowling. I was the high scorer of the night. I got 3 strikes in a row...I've never done that before. Everyone thinks I play on a league. Um, no. Shenanigans later that night in the pool. Champ got out and stood in one place for an hour, refusing to move. Ummm, that was pretty much it. I'm sure theres things I'll forget. Whatever.
Other random things I enjoyed:
Clapping at the swuck and making it fly away/Switch leaps/broken pots from home depot/"if only lia was a boy"/That lady who just didn't get it...::retard voice:: We got here laaaate.....we didn't have time to get stamped ::spastic hand gesture:: we came innnn through the doooooor....and went to go WARM UP! ::tongue out, CLAP::/From Philadelphia, Pittsburgh-the Light Brigade/aimee's fascination with the cancer patient tree/Kia's huge guns....
I had so much fun. I got tan. I'm peeling a little. The temp was like 75/80 the whole time and not too humid.
And now....lots of pics....
ACTION PICS FROM THE RICHMOND REGIONAL AND THE TAMPA REGIONAL!
http://pics.happelphotography.com/Q/Proofs.aspx?GroupID=9011
go there and check out the richmond regional, and the tampa one is called the "south" regional. Then click on The Light Brigade. You know how it works. We're hot. AND WHAT?
Now check out some other pics....
http://community.webshots.com/user/kaseyr104
and one more thing...anyone considering marching a senior corps this summer should seriously consider marching the Bushwackers. We practice in northern Jersey.
Check out this video...we're hot and I'm in it alot. Look for little black booty shorts and a red ponytail cuz I refused to put my hair in a bun,lol.
http://www.bushwackers.org/media/recruitment-video-06.html
Long entry, I know. Get over it. Work was fun this week. Pam and Ray are in Disney, so its peaceful. Alex popped this ball thing yesterday and this red liquid inside sprayed everything. Kayla is excited cuz she's in 'big girl underwear' and gets a sticker for it each day. And Caitlin is talking much better lately. And Lindsey's still Satan. I love those kids.Show this weekend at Hatboro-Horsham. Woooo!
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March 14th, 2006
11:29 pm - ready for tampa
This past weekend was GORGEOUS....we went down to VA for the regional. Too bad I have like a sinus infection or something nasty like that. I felt awful for the whole weekend. Friday was a long ass practice and then a long ass talk that left many of us feeling like absolute shit. Got a whopping 2 1/2 hours of sleep and went to rehearsal Saturday. At least we got to have sabre block outside! that was nice. Got a little color. Good thing, too...i got a long way to go before I'm black. P.S.-fun little generalization...black people do not like the sun apparently. They were all complaining about being in the sun, sweating, spinning outside. I was like, "What? its gorgeous!". Did our last run thru on the tennis courts.
Our prelims show was pretty good....although I had my first drop of the season...my damn sabre 6. Oh well. I got it in finals. Dude...this audience was fucking nuts....these kids are coming up to us all over the place, wearing LB shirts, asking us to sign them, telling us how much they love us. "I didn't know you COULD do cartwheels under tosses!". We got to walk around selling raffles, which was fun as hell. Marsell...."hey, you ever hear of LB...u like us right? come on, lets walk and talk." And ew, that blue mint ice cream turned my mouth and teeth blue. Finals was great, mickey was there to see us and he walked us down the hallway. Our flag toss was A MESS...but the rest was great. Finals felt amazing...we had a music issue...the music started like 10 counts in, instead of at the beginning. So we stopped and started over. And when they re-announced us, the crowd screamed even louder than the first time. It was great. They were all helping us take our shit off the floor and everyone was just complimenting us, left and right. The staff was happy with it, we were happy with it...soooo yeah. We won, with an 81 something.Drove back. Sunday, practice. More random little changes.
I went bathing suit shopping. Got a cute bikini. Can't wait to maybe wear my booty shorts in Tampa. ANd Mickeys house in Bradenton supposedly has a heated pool and stuff. I'm so excited. I have work tomorrow and then I'm sleeping over Aimees, and having an Asian good time with her, robbie and winnie. Our flight leaves Newark at around 9:30 on Thursday. And Saturday after prelims, we're having dinner with Braddock and Medea at some Fridays. Yay...I get to see Malky, Shane, Jesse botch and Mario botch, and Nicole.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/aliens/happy.gif) excited
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March 7th, 2006
12:19 am - regional pics and video
I'm stupid, I titled my last entry "Trenton Regional pics..." and forgot to include the link to those...
so go here, and find The Light Brigade towards the bottom and check us out...
http://pics.happelphotography.com/Q/Proofs.aspx?GroupID=9599
AAANNNNDDD here is a clip of the ending of our show...
http://wgi.org/multimedia/2006/midatlanticpr.php
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